Lethal Weapons
by nonyabuissnes
Summary: I make weapons. Big nice dangerous weapons. Now these weapons can really change history, and battles, or even the outcome of war. And the Akatsuki want them. Rated T for Hidan's colorful language! And maybe other things OC warning!
1. In The Woods

Hi. My name is Tracheal. (TRA-shi- al) and this is my story.

I live in a hut, in the woods of well, it's nobody's territory. Most people can stay, here they can camp out and stuff, but nobody actually lives here. Only I do.

I make extremely violent weapons. I call them guns. They shoot out 'bullets' that can pierce enemy skin and causing them extreme vital wounds, and or death.

Before they can even move.

Now the village of Konoha, kept pestering me about these weapons. They didn't disprove, they wanted it for themselves. But do you know what that would cause!?

They would have so much more power over the other villages, they could easily dominate. That can't happen, not how destiny wants it too.

So why don't I just stop? Well, ill tell you.

What do you think gave me the idea to make this kind of weapon?

I have a very special demon inside me. No, not like a kyubbi, but it's a earth demon. And it just so happens to like to kill things. So our deal was, I get his earth bending powers (much like Tauff on Avatar, if you've seen it) and In return, I make him my weapons.

They are made of metal, which I can bend, move, and do anything with so that comes in handy.

I'm not alone out here either. I have my puppy, Kibeth. I found him about 3 months ago, with a bad wound to his left paw.

It appeared that his pack had abandoned him, so I thought what the heck, I need company anyways, and took him in.

He's a wolf, mostly black, but has gray/white steaks on his back. I named him Kibeth off of this one book I read. He fitted the name perfectly.

He's very well-trained, surprisingly, he follows me around a lot, which is really cute, but can be annoying only sum times

As for what I look like, well I have light orange spiky-like layered hair that comes down about 3 inches below my shoulder.

I normally wear the same type of clothing, just in different colors. So its like my clothes don't change, the color does.

On _that _day, I was wearing brown lace up boots that went just below my knee. Also plaid brown tight shorts that came just above my knee.

Then I had my dark pink shirt, with a red camellia on it. (That's a flower).

I also have this one necklace I always wear. Its like a rectangle, about as long as my thumb, blue, with a red spiky skull. My brother gave that to me the day he died.

My brother is another story I will tell to you later on. For now its just what happened _that _day. Enjoy.

I was out in the woods, Kibeth bounding around my heels. He was being so… jumpy today. Like something would happen at any moment. Silly dog.

We were coming towards my favorite tree, The Big Red. It's a red oak tree, the biggest in the forest. Lots of fireflies come here in the night, so I though I would wait out here until they come.

It was really peaceful. I liked it, when the sun would finally linger down, and I would have the whole place to myself. It was just so nice . it almost made living completely alone and isolated worth it. Not.


	2. Captured!

Disclamer: I do not own or ever will, own any characters.

Authors note: the first time I say Deidara on TV, I thought "I didn't know they had a female Akatsuki member!" it took a while to figure out that _she _was a _he._

I could hear something. In the bushes, just a couple yards away. Kibeth started to growl, and I scooped her up in my arms. I crouched down in the bushes, my hand on Kibeth's muzzle so she wouldn't bark. From a small clearing I could see two men walking. One was extremely tall with strange blue skin and spiky blue hair. His eyes were small with three gill like scars. He walked with his head down, a large bamboo hat covering his face for disguise. The other man had a small black pony tail poking out of the back of his hat. He walked in front as if he was in charge but looked weaker than the other. Yet he held himself with a strange sense of pride.

They seemed to be walking towards my house. I get a lot of robbers around here, so I wouldn't be surprised if these cloaked men were here to do some "spring cleaning". Normally what I do, so I don't have to fight, is run to my house, grab the little things I have, and when they so show up they have nothing to steal. Normally they just leave thinking they have the wrong hut. One time I actually had to knock out this one man, because he was going to the full extent of trying to burn my house down.

I got up as quietly as I could, zipped Kibeth in my jacket, and ran as fast as I could to my home.

I wasn't that far out, so it didn't take that long. My house is made mostly of metal that I molded and shaped myself. With the power of molding metals into objects, I don't always have to make guns. Actually I have a few metal sculptures somewhere out in the forest.

I climbed through a shiny metal open window, and grabbed my biggest bag. It's made for careing guns. Since I don't make more than one type of model of gun, there isn't that much to collect.

I could hear the men outside now, they were arguing about whether to burst down the door or to politely knock. There were just a few more models and I would be ready.

A knock at my door made my heart skip a beat. I slid my bag over my shoulder, made sure I had Kibeth with me, and quietly as I could, climb out the window.

As I was about halfway through, the door burst down. I gasped, fell a little bit out the window, and bolted. I was more afraid of these guys than I was anyone else. Their clothing seemed vaguely familiar and I think they were more on the dangerous side of the type of robber.

I knew the woods well. Even with that benefit, the men were catching up. I could hear their footsteps behind me and the loud breathing coming from the big one.

Suddenly, a large wrapped sword comes crashing down at my feet. I trip over it and landed on my bag. I must have accidently knocked the trigger on one of the guns, because a shower of bullets rained out of the top of my bag into the forest.

The two men were stunned. The big one still had his sword on the ground (meanwhile in all of this, I had gotten up and resumed running) and the smaller one was staring at the holes the bullets had made through the trees. They were back on track soon though, because a sharigan whizzed by my ear, nicking the skin and causing a small shower of blood trickle down my neck.

I decided not to use the guns. Instead I created a bunch of metal from the earth to form into a little platform that I used to raise myself from the earth. Shooting forward I narrowly missed hitting my head on a tree brach which would have knocked my off to my doom.

"Shit." I could hear one of the men say as I rose out of the canopy.

"Just let Deidara handle this part." I could faintly hear another voice.

Who was Deidara? Was he another one of them? I was to far up for anyone to be following me on foot. The wind was in my ears so I guess you could just imagine my surprise when a large _clay bird _was flying next to me out of the corner of my eye.

"_WHAT THE?" _I yelled. The man/girl on the bird was dressed the same as the others but she (?) had long blond hair that was pulled up halfway. She/he also had a long lock of hair covering one of she/he's eyes. Under the hair was a strange little eyepiece. With no womanly figures, she/he could have been a guy.

"Just come down little girlie." She/he said.

I frowned and flipped him off. His face went red and screamed, "SASORI-SENNSIIIEEEEE!!"

Blue strings erupted from the canopy and wrapped around my left ankle. It pulled me off my rock and sent me forcefully swinging down into the woods. My head bashed into a large tree branch, scaring the shit out of some squirrel.

I crashed down on a pile of leaves but I still heard something crack. The strings were burning my skin and were slowly constricting against my chest. If they kept going like this I could die. What I need to do is find the person behind the strings. I tried to nudge a gun out of my bag, but the strings seemed to pick up on that and suddenly started to crush me to death.

"ACK!" I coughed. The bushes stirred and out came the two men from that start. The big man was smirking with his big sword over his shoulders.

As I laid there bleeding in numerous places and being squeezed to death, I was devising a plan. I would form a gun underneath me, in the pile of leaves so they wouldn't see. Since I don't necessarily (although It helps considerably) need my hands, I could start shooting still while I was bounded.

I acted like I was helpless while they talked. "That was easy." Said the big man. The smaller one smirked and walked closer. (halfway done with my AK-47) he looked down at me and for the first time I saw his eyes. They were red with weird black swirls just around the pupil.

"Did you get her?" asked someone from the bushes. Out popped the Dyke, his bird gone.  
"Of course we did shithead." Said the big man. Dyke squinted at him but said nothing.

"Wow. That's a lot of blood los-"

_**BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM **_

Out shot my bullets at rapid fire. I got Big in the right hand, the Dyke in the left leg, and missed Smaller Man.

"SHIT!" screamed the Dyke trying to hold the blood in his leg.

"SASORI! CUT HER OFF!" he screamed again.

The blue string wrapped around my neck squeezed so hard they popped a vein. As blood gushed from my mouth, my eyelids fluttered closed.


	3. Deal

Discalimer: I do not own anyone.

I woke up in what you could say was a room. My first thought was Kibeth. Where was she? A small cry confirmed. I couldn't see anything, it was so bright. I think the whole ceiling was covered with illumination lights. Slowly, I could see what was around me. I think I was restrained with some rusty chains (which was stupid because I could mold them or melt them or anything really) but I was also waited down. I just didn't feel well enough to move, or look up. I was drugged of course.

I looked around to see rusty stains on the walls, blood. The scent was strong to, filling up my nose. Since I couldn't see enough I was relying on my ears and nose. The little I could see, I could tell there was blood up splattered on the walls, and small tools of torture her and there. Did they try to hurt me while I was asleep? No, too much blood to be all mine. I may be able to move rock, but I'm not death-proof. I wasn't the first one in here.

The door squeaked open, and by the blurry size if the figure, it was a man. "We-e-lll look who's up! Are you done with your beauty sleep?" said the cocky man. In reply, I courteously groaned. Not just me but my stomach also. "Awe is someone hungry?" said the man, he was getting closer. Soon he would be in front of me, in my range of sight. And he was.

Gray, but not aged , I think it was just naturally like that, hair. With ruby eyes, and muscles that were shown off by an under shirt white tank top, he was I knew he wasn't here on friendly reasons. He smirked. He was also wearing the pants of my other attackers, so I guess he wasn't here to save me either.

"Now that you're up, we can start." He said, reeling from my sight. But I could hear one of the knives on the walls sliding out of their holders. A small sharp pain and a warm trickle down my arm. It was just a small nick, but I knew he wasn't going to just stop there. Kibeth gave a growl, knowing that I was hurt. I bet she could smell the blood; she was always curiously good at smelling.

"What. What do you want?" I asked, trying to look up, but the light blinded me. I closed my eyelids hard, but it didn't help. "Are you hurting? Good. Now we can start." Said the man. I was getting mad. My chakra was coming back, and I could tell my range of sight was growing, so I could probably strong enough to break out soon. But still not strong enough to face Mr. Muscles.

He squatted next to me, and I could see his pretty face again. "Tell me how to open the bag, and this can all be over." He said, and an evil grin spread across his face.

He shoved the knife into my arm!

I yelled, and my sight blurred, then came back completely normal again. I roared, and the ground started to tremble. This is what you could call my type of 'adrenalin' part of my little monster inside me would release its chakra, making me stronger.

Blood squirted out, and a small amount splattered on his face. For a second I thought he was going to like it off, but then he frowned and reluctantly stopped. What would he do with my blood anyways? Or was he trying to be some cheep vampire?

Kibeth was barking like mad, throwing herself against the cage she was in.

I roared again, and tugged at my chains. The man shuffled away, and came hurrying back with a shot. He stabbed it into my neck, and shot the medicine into me. He tried to get away from me quickly, but I still got a good bite out of his hand.

"FUCK!" he screamed, holding his hand that had a nice chunk out of it. I spit out his flesh, but again I felt being drained from the drugs.

"take me to whoever is in charge!" I said, trying not to sound groggy, but I don't think it worked. The man frowned.

"Fine." He grumbled, wrapping up his hand.

I was blindfolded, and walked through a hallway. I could tell from the rock formations around me that I I was underground, which didn't bother me at all. It gave me an advantage.

The whole blindfolded thing was an intimidation tactic. Keep your victims guessing where they are, but I don't really need to see, I just need the rock. Since I couldn't see though, the handsome man had to hold my hand, and guide my way even though I didn't need to see. This made me blush, but the man just thought it was fear.

A door and the scent of cold air. The room was large, was all I could tell from the slight chakra coming off of the rocks. I'm guessing this is the boss man's room. It was typical, creepy room for the creepy tyrant.

"Where am I?" I asked stupidly, already knowing where I am. This just gave the impression I was weak. "You're in Leader Pain's office." Said the man's voice. My blindfold was slowly removed, and it was dark. There wasn't much of a difference anyway. Except now I could see an orange headed guy, with what seemed to be black specks on his face. Eww.

The closer he got, I realized they were piercings. How old was this guy? Shouldn't piercings be for drunk teenagers who accidently walked into a piercing shop? They were just _covering_ his face. "Right. So you're the Boss Man, right?" I asked. He looked at me plainly, and his expression didn't change the whole time. "yes. I am the Leader, but you may call me Pain." He said. Was that name supposed to be scary?

"Ok. I can deal with that. Now, what do you want me to do? Can I leave soon? " I asked naively.

"You already know the answer to that." He said which made me frown. "right." I said. "So from this idiot," I said throwing my head in the direction of the Perfect Man, who gave a growl.

"That I need to tell you how to use my weapons. But first, why don't you tell me where I am, who are you, and why I am being held in a blood stained room?" I asked gently walking forward to get a better look at this odd man.

"You do, and you will. Did you really think this was some hotel and we would give a bed and bathroom? You're our prisoner, not a guest. And we are the Akatsuki.

I don't know what he said on earlier, but my whole head was focused on that one name, Akatsuki. I loved the Akatsuki, which you probably didn't know.

You see, the Akatsuki was unwanted and an outcast to the societies of the Villages. I was unwanted and an outcast, so when I heard about this daring group, I fell in love. I would daydream of getting revenge on my village for treating me so horribly. I would picture myself with a nice black and red cloak with the symbol and all, standing on the pile of my defeated enemies. But when I moved to the forest, those bloody thought just became one of the many fireflies that swarmed my head of thoughts.

Now that I was here, that dream came alive again. The memories flooded back and I was happy. I was so happy.

I had agreed to joining, to the surprise of the leader and the Man, which I learned from when Pain told him to get out, was Hidan.

Basically, I had to design the weapons for the Akatsuki, train them, and occasionally, when I have to, go on missions with them.

I got my own room, shared with Kibeth, and that was where I was right now, I had just woken up. Kibeth was lying on my chest, her puppy eyes closed and sleeping. I gently picked her up, and wrapped her in the still-warm blankets.

I had my own bathroom, along with shower which I gratefully used. I still had a layer of dirt and didn't get to change before I went to sleep. Once I got out, combed my hair, I needed to get some clean clothes. Next to my bed was a red shirt that exposed my shoulder and had a black skull printed on it. Black skinny pants with hundreds of random silver zippers and black combat boots. I was a bit of a Goth sometimes, but I could do what I want so why not? But what really creeped me out was that someone handled my _underwear _(which was with the pile of clothes) and, how did they know it was my favorite outfit? I had a feeling it wasn't just a lucky guess. How long have they really been watching me?!


	4. Bacon!

I lumbered through my doorway, and scooped up Kibeth as I walked. She shuffled into a more comfortable spot and licked my chin. The fuzzy black ball was asleep in my arms in a matter of seconds. Taking care of a puppy is a lot like taking care of a baby. Except it doesn't cry as much.

The smell of bacon wafted to my nose when I came across a large double door. Kibeth squirmed, smelling it too. The door had no handle, so I pushed on it with my boot. Slowly it opened and the defiant smell of bacon _and _eggs smacked my face like they were thrown to me. Kibeth jumped from my arms and ran to the stove where I could see them sizzling on a frying pan. There was no one else in the room so I took a spatula and first took a piece for Kibeth, then slowly slid one into my mouth. The taste was incredible. Heaven on a strip. When was the last time I had bacon?

"What do you think you're doing with my bacon?" snarled an ugly voice a few feet away. I whipped around and there stood a tall muscular white haired man. Any guesses? Yes, the same man that dug a knife into me just a day ago.

"Well, hi yourself." I said with a mouth full of bacon.

"In case you didn't notice, that's _my _break face." He scowled, and menacingly stepped over. He snatched the remaining bacon from my hand. "Hey!" I said, as he stuffed it into his mouth.

"What? You don't like that I took back the bacon you stole from me?" he frowned, and turned off the burner.

"No one was here, anyways. And if you're so grumpy about it just tell me where the bacon is, and I'll make more." I said, crossing my arms. I wasn't going to be like him and whine like a child.

"that was the last of it, princess, so if you want any more your either going to have to walk the 10 miles to the store, or find a nice little piggy for yourself to cook up." He growled, and walked out the door with a greasy mouth full of bacon.

"fine." I pouted. "Come on Kibeth, we've got work."

"Hey, where is that new girl?" asked Kisame. He looked around the gloomy living room to the even more gloomy people living in it.

"Last time I saw here she was in the kitchen." said Hidan.

Suddenly the door burst open, and a panting Tracheal came in hauling an entire boar over her shoulder.

"there." The girl panted. "I got… bacon." and collapsed on a nearby sofa. A small black puffy wolf entered the room and lay down next to her.

"When I said, 'get a nice little piggy' I didn't mean to actually get… a bore." stuttered Hidan.

"Well, I got it anyways. So where can I uh, cut him up?" asked Tracheal putting her muddy boots on the arm of the sofa.

"In your workplace, I don't want to have to clean up any blood." muttered Kakuzu, who was just too busy counting money to pay any more attention.

"Workplace it is." said Tracheal, who swung her muddy boots over the coach and lifted the dead animal over her shoulders.

"Wait, how did you kill it?" asked a peculiar blond haired man.

"How… do you think?" replied Tracheal, tapping three bullet holes.

"Oh, yeah. Right." said Deidara.

In a few hours, not only was the kitchen smelling of bacon, but the entire hideout. Ten frying pans weren't even enough to deal with the constant supply of fatty meat.

Each member had their mouth full, or cramming more into it. Kibeth was in puppy heaven, having all the bacon she could gorge on.

The day ended with each and every Akatsuki member (including Itachi) happy, greasy, and about 10 pounds overweight.


	5. one Itachi two Itachi

Disclaimer: I don't own annnyone!

Authors note: please review, even if you don't like it, I still like to hear what you have to say! So click on that newly designed button and just suck it up and review. Thanks enjoy!

I was getting pretty bored around the hideout. Since the leader guy was gone, and he specifically said not to train anyone else besides himself in tell he got back, I had a lot of free time on my hands. Making more guns was just not enough to keep me occupied; I decided to make little goals and missions for myself

Today's mission: steel enough food from the kitchen without getting caught by the D.A.M.s

Deadly

Akatsuki

Members

I know the word can either mean the homes that cute little beavers make, or the bad word, but you can chose which one you want it to mean.

There are two key points in getting past the DAMs, having an evil-sniffing wolf, and being able to change yourself to look like another member. Since I sucked at gen-Justus, and every other Justus on the planet, I had to rely on my wonderfully helpful Kibeth. What? Just because I can make weapons doesn't mean I'm like some superhero (more like supervillian) that can do anything! Intact its' sort of like a trade off, I get the guns, but I can't do hardly any Justus. The only Justus I can do is substitution and I'm not that bad at it.

I was already at the kitchen, so I let Kibeth down to have a sniff. She growled, more than usual, and that can only mean one thing: Hidan.

"Anyone else?" I whispered and she just looked at me with incredibly adorable eyes so I took that as a yes. Even though it was only one person, Hidan is always a serious threat. I know he wants my guns badly enough where he would come close to killing me. So I need to be extra careful.

Quickly I substituted as the one person I know Hidan hardly ever messes with: Itachi.

Slowly I opened the door and strolled in as coolly as I could. I swished my hair like I sometimes see Itachi do, and went for the pantry. Hidan was reading his newspaper and didn't even look up. Yes! It was working. I looked for things that would possibly feed me for a day, and still not make me totally gag the second I tasted it.

"Funny thing, Itachi, didn't I just see you walk out the door, the other way? How did you get back in here so fast? That door goes all the way around the hideout; it would have taken you much longer than a few seconds." said a cocky voice, just a few inches from my ear. Ice slid down my throat and dropped like a brick into my stomach. But I played it cool, didn't even flinch (I hope) like Itachi does.

"I'm thinking, you're not Itachi, are you, _princess?"_ He sneered using the nickname he only uses for me, when he gets real mad.

I grabbed all the food my arms- Itachi's arms could carry. I spun around, dogged Hidan, and made a mad dash for the other door, stupidly leading me the way Itachi went. I whistled, and in a few seconds Kibeth was besides me, little legs scurrying as fast as they could go.

Before long I bet you could just guess what happened. I ran straight into the real Itachi. Of course me being the nit-wit I was, I never changed back into myself. When I stopped in front of Itachi, his eyes got big, and I shuffled all my food into his hands.

"You won't get away _princess!_" I could hear Hidan yelling. Quickly, I pulled Kibeth into my arms, and sunk into the rock wall, completely hiding myself. Normally Kibeth is just fine being surrounded by rock, but this time she wouldn't stop squirming and moving around. I don't know, but something was bothering her. Was it Hidan? I know he bothers _me._

My eyes were peeking out, and I could see the whole scene unraveling. Hidan stood panting, angry eyed and Itachi stood cool and calm more than I could ever be in front of someone so hostile.

"There you are princess!" sneered Hidan. "Did you really think I'd let you get away? When all this time I know you've been avoiding me! You know I want a gun, so why don't you just hand one over, and no one will get hurt!" negotiated Hidan, acting like I was nothing but a little girl who was harmless. How dare him! I'm strong, I could take him down! …. I think.

Itachi smiled and shot a glance to where I was hiding, he probably saw my eyes, and chuckled to himself. He knew what was going on, and he thought it was funny! His eyes were shinning like he was truly enjoying himself, and that made me a little uneasy.

"What are you smiling 'bout pr-"

**BAM BAM BAM**

In a matter of seconds Hidan was knocked out on the floor.

I slid from my hiding spot, and looked at Itachi. I stared at him good and long, until it got a little akward.

"You're not really Itachi, are you?" I said, and the imposters face froze.

"Let me guess… Zetsu? Yeah, Zetsu." I smiled, and changed back to my old self.

I let Kibeth down and she went to go inspect Hidan. "How did you know?" asked Zetsu, who also changed back to his normal (if you could call what he looks like normal) self.

"Well, Kibeth was really anxious while I was hiding, and I know she doesn't mind being in the rocks, so it had to be something else. And then again, Itachi doesn't laugh, or smile. And besides, why would he even be over here? His room is on the other side of the hide out, and he rarely even comes to the kitchen, let alone all the way out here." I said, while Zetsu slowly soaked it up.

"I guess you're right. But what should we **do about him?**" asked Zestu

I looked at Hidan, who was still knocked out. Kibeth was tugging ferociously at his robes, and suddenly I got an idea.

I looked back at Zetsu, and by the look on his face, I knew he had the same idea.

"I'll get the paint!" I said,

"**I'll get the bows!" **he said, and we raced off.

Before long, we had everyone crowded around, just as Hidan started to wake up.

"Oh my aching… wh- what's everyone doing?" muttered Hidan as people all around stifled giggles and grinned widely.

Deidara (who always has one) handed Hidan a mirror to look at himself.

His face was priceless. Because on his hot pink dyed hair, was super glued white, red polka dotted bows, and of course, heavy amounts of makeup. I had gotten the makeup and Zetsu got the bows from Konan, who gladly supplied me with whatever I needed once I had told her what Zetsu and I were doing. Of course, we also painted his nails yellow, from leftover paint Toby had from painting his room the other day.

First his face turned white, and then got ragging red. He scowled furiously, and stomped onto his feet. He spotted me in the front of the crowd, and his face got only more angry.

"You!" he snarled, and I ran, the people quickly forming a path for both of us. People exploded with laughter, and I myself was laughing so hard it almost sounded like I was screaming. Which is what I would probably sound like if it wasn't just so funny! I ran hard, even though I was about to collapse from a laughing fit any moment. However I knew what I was chasing me and I knew it wasn't happy.

Today's mission might have not of gone to plan, but it was way better than I could ever imagine.

Even if I did get beaten to a pulp afterwards.


End file.
